part 2

This is kindof in continuation to the last post on being patient. I have to ask myself every day "how?" Lord, how can I be patient? Work is stressing me out. For the last 2 months I have been walking almost 2 miles every day just trying to relax and let out some of this energy. I'm irritable. The little things get to me. I feel huge and unattractive. At the end of the day, when I'm laying in bed and Nicholas and I get ready to begin our prayers together, I look at him and say, "well, another day has come and gone and still no progress." And I begin to hope and pray, maybe during the night. Then after many hours of laying and watching the clock change, tossing and turning, I'm reminded by an obnoxious beep, that I must begin yet another day, another day of work, and another long day just anxiously wondering if today we will have any further progression of contractions or if we are only yet another minute closer to our baby girl. That's what it seems, minutes seem to be hours and the days seem to be weeks. Now I know every pregnant woman goes through this at this point... but why am I so bothered by the fact that she is still not here? Is it because all my life, as long as I remember, awaited this day. Children have always been so precious to me and since I've been on the woman's path of hormones, I have anxiously wanted and thrived to be a mother. Over and over I thought of things I want to do with my family, places I want to go, relive some of my childhood memories through my children. Horrible thoughts at night envade my dreams, with several reoccuring ones, that have scared me to no end. Is that why I am ready to hold her in my arms, so I can say they were only dreams. Labor and delivery is now starting to scare me. Part because of the dreams and part because its all I can think about, week after week, day after day, and now minute after minute. I'm having lots of patches of consistant contractions, 8 minutes apart, but after an hour or so of it they fade. I change activities or sit to relax and they deminish. So, as I've been told I'm having false labor. It's been going on for days now. Saturday night I thought for sure we would be holding our little girl in a matter of hours.....and then it all vanishes. And I have to start the process all over again. Or was it because of the horrible "unsure" due date? All along I was looking at September but every time I went in to the dr. I was reminded that August 14th was a good possibility still? So after being told over and over I began to put that date in my head and as it neared I got more and more excited. Now it is past and it makes September 3 seem sooooo far away. August 19th and I still do not know my due date, still uncomfortable, still fearing the process, and still not sure what will/is going to happen. Not knowing how my previously injured tailbone and lumbar will hold or if it will allow me to do it natural. Still so many unanswered questions....and I wonder if that's why my anxiety is so intense. So Lord, please tell me!! Or teach me for that matter, how???
As to many, I probably seem to be a baby. I have some intense pelvic pressure that I have had for near a month now. I have some back pain that causes my back to lock, sometimes sending me back to bed or tumbling into Nicholas' arms (all from a previous injury). But the dr is still insisting natural childbirth would be best. And honestly that does scare me. I would love to say I did it all natural and would love to be able to but the what ifs and how tos lead me to lots of question and all my anxiety. I feel great though, minus some of the aches and pain, stress and worry, physically I am full of energy and constantly on the go. I am finding ways to keep myself busy but cannot seem to bipass the thing that preoccupies me my mind the most!! So it's just mentally I AM A WRECK!!!!!
As you can tell I am drawn in 45.5 directions with all this and probably have many confused. Heck, I have myself confused!! But I've just past 18 minutes and one contraction later!!! Now if only knew that contraction did something and helped me to progress in any way!!!
But all this rambling being said, I still pray for my baby, for a healthy baby, and for whatever day to come, so we can celebrate her birth, her life, and celebrate the changing of our lives forever!!!! WE ARE SOOOOO EXCITED!!!!

Love is Patient.....that's the test??!!

Every morning I wake up, go to the bathroom (its a pregnant thing), rubbed my belly and talk to little Ashalyn. Then I wonder to myself....is today the day?? Then I take the time to ask God to be with us and protect us throughout the day, to prepare me just in case, and teach me patience!! Yes, I am used to working with a classroom full of children and siblings that work each others nerves all day long....that does not phase me....but being patient in these circumstances....anxiously awaiting one of the most beautiful things ever, not knowing the exact moment your life will be forever changed, knowing you are about to receive the most incredible blessing ever...that is a true test of patience!! And sadly, I think I may be failing this test. I am so incredibly anxious that the thoughts of my baby girl is starting to consume my every thought. I wonder what she will look like, what the birth will feel like, will she have daddy and grandpa rice's crooked pinky, will she start out blonde like her daddy did, or will she sleep through her entire first night like her cousin Brett did, is she going to be healthy, will she recognize Nicholas' voice (he talks to her all the time), will I be able comfort her little cry? etc. It is nonstop filmage (is that a word) playing over and over in my mind. But each day I wonder....when will we be celebrating her birthday? Patience just is not my virtue these days! I try to keep my life busy by adding whatever to my agenda just to keep me going. I've cut off about 180 ears of corn to freeze for the winter. Last night I got my apples for applesauce, so that will consume tonight. Friday night Stephanie is coming into town. Saturday is Cayman's benefit. Monday Matt and Jami will be in town. But from then....what will I do with my time? Crystal is taking next week off of work so I don't have to work all week. I'll be cleaning and getting everything ready for her arrival. But the craziness from the previous few months is coming to an end. My first due date is a week from today. I am having some contractions and lower back pain....but I'm anticipating the September 3rd date....I think just to keep myself sane if she doesnt arrive by next Wednesday. Dr visits are every week now, but only an hour out of the day. My shower can only be bleeched so often and we only go through so many clothes that laundry can't be redone. I'm to the point where I am rewashing her clothes just so they have that fresh laundry smell and softness. I am literally driving myself crazy trying to come up with things to do. Taking walks and praying! What more can I do? How much longer will I be doing this? And then will I be able to transition from all this busy work to just sitting on the couch cuddling my little girl? That's the time I will take to relax. When I went to grandma's to pick up the apples, she asked me if I was sure I was feeling up to it. I stopped to see the kids before they left for Florida and my brother-in-law says, "dont you know your pregnant? You are F*#*ing crazy." because I want to take them to the zoo when they get home. But honestly, until the day comes when my baby is born I WANT to be busy!! I feel better when I am going, going, going!! When she comes I will take the time to cuddle her, go for walks with her, nap with her, bathe her, read to her. She will be my life then!!! But until then...I think it is safe to say...my patience that I once had...it's out the window, completely gone!! I've failed this test! And will continue to be an antzy, busy body until the day...I can wake up and say....TODAY IS IT. TODAY IS THE DAY. My life will change forever TODAY!!! And TODAY will be my baby's birth day!!

happy 30th!!

First off, I'd like to say HAPPY 30TH ANNIVERSARY MOM and DAD!!!!

Now, my pregnancy.....it seems like things have haulted a little bit. Yesterday I had some very unexplained vomiting again that was just as bad as the beginning of pregnancy. I kinda forgot how much one could release at one time!! Okay, so u're probably thinking TMI. Sorry. Since I've been drinking more water the contractions have not been as bad and now feel just more crampy. So, yes, I do believe that I was near dehydration yet again. I just cannot drink my fluids as I should. By the end of the day my feet are exhausted and I need to sit and take a break for a bit. Last night was kinda rough. Got home and after making supper we went straight to our patch of corn and helped husk. We got 9 bushel last night (a bushel containing 60 years) and then went home and cleaned and cooked, cut off the cob and froze for the winter. It was quite fun actually. So, how old does that make me sound? (the 9 bushel was split between my mom my sister and i) So I was standing the entire time at the stove. Then it was dishes, cleaned my bathroom, and folded my laundry. So I was beat!! This morning I've had a few contractions. I almost just wish the contractions would either go away or be here full force. Then it'd give us a little better idea as to when our baby is coming!! Since we have 2 due dates, one only being 9 days away and the other being 28 days away we have no idea when to expect her. AND I HATE NOT KNOWING!!!!!!! She has been kicking lots tho!! I havent really felt her turn or flip or anything just kicks!! Which at my last visit the dr said she was in position....so that could explain it!!! Goodness, I'm just soooooo ready!!! :-)

now the wait

Now it is just waiting! We are officially done with lamaze and partners in pregnancy. All that has me a little nervous because they showed an actual csection and then they talked about all the bleeding that occurs, all the possibilities that could happen etc. But I think I'm more anxious that it outweighs my nervousness. Really we do not have a ton planned for the month of August so it feels like September is forever away. We are trying to keep busy and have a few things going on, such as mom and dad's 30th wedding anniversary party, Cayman's benefit, a friend coming into town, I'm making applesauce this week and doing up corn next week. But other than that, that's it. I start going to the dr. every week now so that will help a little too. Which by the way, my last dr. visit was a bit discouraging. I was hoping he'd at least tell me I was a little dialated....but NOTHING!! Says baby's head is down in position and ready but there's no dialating yet. But I guess I can't rush it. So far with this pregnancy I have gained 24 pounds but still have a month to go. In the last 6 weeks I havent gained a pound so I don't know if I will pack them on in the end or not. I really have not had a whole lot of an appetite with the weather being so warm. I hope to keep my weight though within the 25-35 pound range that he said was normal and healthy!! Nick and I have continued our walking routine, some days its not far at all, just up to the post office and back and others we take a mile or two hike!! :-) Depends how I am feeling. But really nothing too new to report. Just that dr. said baby is there so now it just depends when I start contracting consistantly for labor.

ugh

Ugh, what a day!!
Had to go to work early today because I am taking off early for dr. appointment. Went to bed early because I was laying on the couch last night watching tv with my husband and he was rubbing my head and definately put me to sleep! woke up at 4 with the worst cramps ever in my legs, back, butt and low stomach!! Could not for the life of me fall back to sleep. Now at work, I honestly do not feel well, completely exhausted and drained. I go to stand up and I can feel every muscle and then some in my low stomach stretch. It feels as though Ashalyn is trying to tear all my insides to pieces. I have to stop in my tracks and bend with the pain of the piercing tearing muscles. ha, now I don't know that they are really tearing, guessing it's more stretching and getting ready for baby...but goodness i feels like they are ripping!! We have a dr. appointment later today and then right after is rehearsal for a wedding Nick is in this weekend. I honestly do not feel like going, but Nick is begging me to come, so gotta be there for him!! Will update more after appointment!!

a little excitement!!

Last night was interesting to say the least. I spent my evening up at the hospital under the impression that we just might have the baby. 2 nights ago, while going for a walk my stomach started contracting. Pretty consistant about every 4-7 minutes. They were doable though. So I kept walking. Then something strange and unusual began to happen. My entire stomach hardened just like a contraction but it never released. I walked for another 20 minutes thinking that would help. It didn't hurt, it was just the pressure was uncomfortable. So as I'm walking it gets harder and harder.
After 30 minutes like this Nicholas convinces me to at least call up to the OB department at the hospital. It rang and rang. Receptionist said they were in the middle of delivering a baby so I just decided to head home from the walk, take a shower and head to bed. By the time I took my warm shower the hardness slowly would release and then come back, release and come, etc for about 15 more minutes but only staying strong for a few seconds this time.
During the night then I was awaken by 2 different contractions and then 2 in the morning. I got to work and as I am talking with Crystal I had another one that I just talked my way through. I did not want to leave her with no sitter for the day so I didn't even mention it. Went through out the day, and my stomach continued to harden for great lengths of time and mom finally convinced me to call my doctor. And of course, it was his day off. I left a message with what was happening and said, but I see you on Friday so unless I hear from you I'll just wait til then, not thinkin' I'd hear anything because it was his day off. A
bout 4 hours later I received a phone call from the on call dr. saying his nurse happened to listen to my dr. voicemail for some reason (usually doesnt happen) and he decided I must go to the hospital and be hooked up to the monitor. If there was any stress on the baby we would be delivering! So...I fire off a text to Nick at work and tell him. I was still at work and had about an hour to go yet so I just waited it out. Nick went home and had time for his hair cut appt. that he had scheduled so I told him to go. That gave me time to go home after work get a bag completely together, the car seat, etc. just in case.
So now at this point I am hooked up to the machine and at first the contraction part of it was going crazy. (My stomach was still hard but not releasing like a normal contraction would.) It never really calmed down until the nurse brought me some water and I started drinking that. They gave me one of those huge mugs and told me to finish it. I stayed hooked up for a little over an hour and by the end my stomach was softened and baby's heartrate was good they said. The contractions at this point were at a consistant timing but the moniter read them as straight up and then right back down after a few seconds.
According to the nurse we are nearing the end but not quite there yet. Which is fine, we want to at least wait til August 3rd, for baby's sake and so Nick can get paid to take an entire week and a half off with me and baby!! He is able to take the 6 week family medical leave with me but unpaid, but we decided the paid week and a half is enough.
Finally, the on call dr. called in to see how I was doing and gave them permission to release me. I was given orders though. 4 huge mugs of water a day and stay off my feet as much as possible til my appointment with my dr on friday. I don't understand that one but he went to school just a little longer than myself so I guess he probably knows a little more than me! I always thought it was a good thing to walk and keep active while pregnant. I've been walking lots!!
I will start wrapping this novel up, but a few more thoughts. Last night Nicholas and I got to listen to our baby's beautiful heartbeat for over an hour straight. That was so amazing and actually made us all the more anxious for her arrival. I realized last night the importance of having a bag and everything ready. If I would have been truly in labor I think I would have delivered either at home or in the car on the way. And finally, it was so GREAT to hear the nurse say when she was checking me, "Baby is there!!" So now it's just waiting!! It could be a few weeks yet, but she's getting into position and ready to grace us!! It is such an AMAZING feeling and blessing knowing soon she will be out of the womb and in our arms!!!!!!

USPS

I have officially lost my mind! It took me all day today to figure out my password to here. Then on top of that our friends John and Becky called us up and asked if we could watch their 3 kids for the weekend so they could have a weekend alone at the lake. I was so excited about this. They have a 5th grader, a 2nd (?) grader and a newborn (well, he was born the end of Feb.) I sat and thought and thought and thought...thinking something was going on but could not for the life of me think what. So I said sure...well then remembered Nick is in a wedding this weekend. So unfortunately I probably won't be watching the kids. I was talking to my sister and told her "I'll stop by either tomorrow or Wednesday." She says, Uh, tomorrow is Wednesday!! I've completely lost it, I'm telling ya!! And to top it off...here's another story, the worst one yet.....So I think this story is cute, but it could be just my many many emotions I have running on and on NONSTOP!!I stopped by the post office after work yesterday to get our mail. Normally by the time I get there the post master, Cookie, is gone for the evening. I may have gotten there a few minutes earlier than normal, but it was a little ironic. There was nothing in our box but a little slip to see the postmaster. As soon as she saw me, she says, "Hi Valerie! Just wondering if you happen to know an Ashalyn Rice?" I stood there for a minute to think about it. The name sounded really familiar, but I usually just call her Ashalyn...so being in the midst of small contractions and not really thinkin' I pause even longer and then blurt out, "That's my baby!" Ha, now at this point there are 3 other people behind me, whom all know me. (I live in a very small town with only 200 some post office boxes.) and they are laughing at this point. Cookie then says, "well, she has mail!" Completely confused out of my mind, I just kinda drag out an "okaaaay?" with an extremely confused look on my face. How could she have mail already with no birth certificate, record of her name, nothing. haha!! But it was a very unexpected package from a good friend of mine, an old college roommate!! It was addressed to Mr and Mrs Rice "Ashalyn". The only names on our PO Box though are Nick and myself so that's where the confusion came in at the po. But yes, I am starting to lose my mind, if it hasn't gone completely. But it was such a fun little surprise and Ashalyn's first "piece of mail". So I'm sure I'll some how do a scrapbook page!! :-) Thanks to Emily and her beautiful son Cadyn, who I was told picked out the blankets!!! Made for a fun little day at the post office and a cute little story to tell!!

All these gifts for our beautiful baby from these two wonderful people!! Cadyn and Emily!