Discouraged

Today is kind of a discouraging day. My babysitting kids came and we sat down for our circle time. Circle time is nothing real impressive. We do a simple version of calender to get counting in. And I am able to ask the kids what month it is and they are able to tell me. I have a fun early childhood calender that has many colors and cute little pictures and each day a child is able to help by putting the day's number in! Simple, but the kids love it and it is what has helped Ashalyn learn her counting! After that we usually sing a song or two and then discuss our topic for the day before we do our art project. Today we talked about thanksgiving and what we were thankful for. Then we all sat at the table and made a huge thanksgiving feast for our lunch....mashed potatoes, dressing, chicken, greenbeans, corn and warm bread!! It was yummy!!
So you might ask why I say it was a discouraging day?!?
It goes back to the topic of the day. I look at my life and I see all the things I have to be thankful for. I had one boy say he was thankful for trains, trucks and cows. Another girl said her mom and dad. Ashalyn followed suit then by saying her mom and dad. I teared up. I AM SOOOO GRATEFUL FOR MY LITTLE GIRL!! Nothing discouraging about that!!! She is my world, my life!! I am thankful I am still here to spend these days with her. I am thankful that I am a mother of not only one beautiful girl. I am thankful for my husband! I HAVE SO MANY REASONS TO PRAISE OUR MAKER FOR THIS LIFE!
But when talking about these things the memories come crowding back....the life I had before! When I could picture Ashalyn and Miranda growing up so close in age and playing with the kitchen set we had purchased before the accident and Miranda was very much alive in my tummy. When Nicholas and I would lay in bed, he'd hold my stomach and we would talk about them playing basketball together, or what we would do if they both came home liking the same boy, or if they both wanted to get married all in the same summer. They would of only been 13 months apart, so all these things were possible!
But not only do we have the broken dreams of our daughters not growing up together, there is more that discourages me tonight! There used to be a day when Nick would get home from work and hop out of his truck and run in the house to see his two favorite girls! Today was no different than any other day since the accident...I watch him crawl out of the truck and he pauses. Just from the time he gets in his truck, drives less than a mile home from work, he has to completely start over with making his leg work. He has to focus on how to get from the truck to the house and "unfreeze" his leg. Every day I watch him hobble to the house with pain in his eyes, sometimes watch him stumble down the stairs, and other times just watch him grabbed his leg to lift it as he takes a step. Don't get me wrong....I AM EVER SO THANKFUL HE IS STILL HERE WITH US....but discouraged that our life took such a dramatic turn and will NEVER be the same.
Work days are hard days for him because he is on concrete all day long and doesnt get the chance to sit down much through out the day, so it seems like those are the days that are toughest for him with his leg. He has an appointment for a second opinion because it's been over a year and his limp seems to be worse on days and he seems to still be in a great deal of pain, given the good and the bad days! It's a discouraging day because it's been a rough one for him. I HATE HATE HATE watching him limp and not being able to do anything to take care of him. So tonight I am thankful for MANY MANY things, just a bit discouraged about others.
I hope not to ask for too much, but I would be ever so thankful if there was a day that I was greeted by him after work like we wwere before the accident!! Pain free. Limp free. Where he runs in the house because he cant wait for the welcome home kiss from his girls! I sure do miss those days!!!!!