Thursday, March 25, 2010

Yesterday we met with another doctor at a much bigger facility, associated with Toledo Hospital. Dr D'amato. At first we went to the radiologist where they read my ultrasound report and then read my blood work and they were amazed at my hcg levels still. Then we did another ultrasound where I was able to see my baby on the screen. The previous one they wouldnt show me anything so I just needed that picture for the bit of closure I needed. As soon as I saw my baby I knew something wasnt right. The gestational sac was very large in size compared to our baby. They too confirmed that they baby wasn't continuing to grow in size but they also were able to tell us that the heart was NOT developing, which caused the lack of heartbeat. Yesterday was tough on both us, but we got the answers we needed for that bit of "closure". This doctor really recommended against the pills and recommends the dnc. An old friend of mine has been through both processes and she too recommends the dnc procedure. But what I hate about this is my first doctor refered to it as an abortion. Now I know that anytime the baby is medically taken from the mother it is called a medical abortion.....but did he really have to use that term with me??? That's what is making it soooo difficult on me. I know for a fact now that my baby is not alive and has no chance of survival but an "abortion". How can I come to terms with that, when I am one that is SO SO against it and has preached against it my entire life??
Only problem with NOT doing it my health is then very much at risk? This doctor already gave me the "if this or this happens, get to the ER right away" peptalk. So now it's just deciding what we want to do. We have a few other decisions that need to be made as well, decisions that Nicholas and I dont necessarily agree on. But as for now, I have a surgery scheduled for Tuesday at Toledo hospital. I feel safer I think here at Fulton County though so not sure what's going to happen there. Just lots and lots to think about in the next day or two.

Our sweet Miranda

Our sweet Miranda

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