Monday, August 30, 2010

Finally I can post about our process BEYOND paperwork!

Well, today is the first I feel I can post about our adoption/foster care beyond the paperwork! 2 weeks back with had an interview as a couple and tonight was the start of my interview individually. Nicholas and Ashalyn left the house for the evening so that I could meet individually with our caseworker for a 2 hour interview about every little detail of my life. We covered the normal personality questions, strengths and weaknesses, life changing events, etc. But there were also scenario example. How would you feel as a parent if a sheriff deputy and caseworker showed up and took your child from your home. If you were a child being pulled from your home what emotions would you feel. Give an example in your life where you have shown your coping with delayed gratification. And what emotions do you think a parent losing their child to the foster care system goes through. All in depth things you have to think about when wanting to work with foster/adoptive families.
In a sense there was paperwork. Every answer I gave went down into our home study pages for agencies to look at when making a placement. But it really gave me the chance to dig deeper into why we want to do what we are doing. There's things in our life happening right now that would make it SOO easy to say, "you know, let's hold off, nows not the time for us." But with it all we both really feel that no matter what is going on in our life that we are being led into parenting (fostering) children that are in need of a good, loving and safe home...and who knows, maybe one day we will meet a child that is meant to be part of our permanant family. I could not be any more excited about this process and next phase in our life and my growing family!! I am LOVING this journey....paperwork and all!!!!!

Sunday, August 29, 2010

that hole in your heart feeling....

Well, we did it to ourselves again. We went on vacation and had a blast and then we had to come home. I dont know what it is but once we hop in the car home from either of the family lake homes we cry on the way home. I cant even begin to explain it but there is that hole. There is a deep ache in our hearts that we talk about each trip home. We dread being here and we count down the days til our next return...away from everything. Where it is all thrown in our face constantly. Before I always enjoyed returning home after a trip, but lately it SUCKS! WE walk in the doors and we both look at each other and usually race to ask the other if we are ready to hop back in the truck and leave this place. Like I said, neither of us can explain this feeling...but I know exactly what Nicholas is talking about and he knows what I feel. Visiting the cemertary is different. Majority of the time, unless taking flowers we slow down instead of getting out. Not that we are closing that part from our lives, but because we no longer can feel her there. We feel her more when we are out and about as a family. I don't know if this is one of the stages they say you go thru but the cemetary is more of a dreary place of the hurt and the what ifs and should of beens...and our time on the lake is more of a "there will be a day". Now all this rambling really probably doesnt make sense, but I'm trying to figure out this hole again. Trying to adjust back into the rhelm of the everyday yet again! Bear with me please!!

Our sweet Miranda

Our sweet Miranda


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