Hopefully this is a good thing!

We had a fabulous time out with some friends tonight. Just a casual meal at pizza hut but it was great catching up and just chatting with each other. A much needed time away.
However, we get home and what do I find on our answering machine. A call from the insurance company. Our policy was switched to a new adjuster (hopefully a much better one). But now we start all over again. For a few months now I've been trying to get all the details worked out for Miranda's headstone and funeral expenses. As I mentioned before if we want it out at the one year anniversary, which is a huge deal to us, it has to be paid for by end of March. A few months back I sent the quotes to the address the adjuster gave me, but never heard a single word for weeks. I called and come to find out she had me send it to corperate office who probably knows nothing about the case....so "it's probably sitting in a lost mail pile." Then she gives me her Toledo address and guess what, 2 days later it was returned to me, wrong address. So finally it's sent off and now a call saying the policy was being switched to a different adjusters and we would pretty much be starting over with the claims. Maybe it's just me, but I feel like they are trying to buy time for some reason. And its kind of frustrating me. We havent even got an answer yet to whether they will be covering any of it and we will then have to figure out where we're going to come up with the $ for the stone, the funeral, plots and the cement that needs to be poured. I just pray that maybe this insurance adjuster may know a little more about the ins and outs of it and be a little more helpful and timely! That would definately be a huge answered prayer!!!
I love LOVE love our time out with friends and away from the house because it seems like for just a moment we can escape the bills, phone calls, questions and constant reminder of what we "owe" from this thing we never asked for!

Is it Christmas Time yet??

I found myself all day today humming Christmas carols! And then when I was rocking Hayden (girl I watch) in the lazy boy today Rock-A-Bye Baby turned into Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree. Now, I fully understand that it's February and Christmas is no where near here...but I crave for Christmas time to be here. I honestly think it's because I didn't have a Christmas this past year. Okay, yes, I live in the same calender year as everyone else. I decorated the house and put the tree up before Halloween even this past year. People called me crazy. But please let me explain this.
The accident was in September. So by the end of October we were looking for whatever we could find to do, after being trapped inside for nearly two months. And at that point we were online shopping, puppy hunting, and just trying to fill a void. So we both seen fit to decorate for our favorite time of year to try and bring a little joy into our home. We decorated and enjoyed it for the time being, but I truely feel we were robbed of Christmas this year. Normally we sing carols together and have lots of Christmas traditions that we carry on. Christmas is a happy time for us. This year it felt as if we just went through the motions and celebrated just enough to get by with saying we did.
We spent much time preparing a mini Christmas tree for Miranda at the gravesite, that we just were never happy enough with. So we went with a grave pillow with ornaments to match our tree that we loved, but didnt replace her being in our home with us on Christmas day. I spent the week before Christmas in the hospital then with my infection from the accident. The hospital had restrictions of visitors at the time because of flu season. So Christmas Eve I layed in bed all night and cried and cried. First I was expected to spend Christmas without Miranda and then they expected me to not see Ashalyn either?? It was the lonliest worst feeling ever! So I fibbed a little about the pain, so I could be released on Christmas afternoon. I was home, but didn't enjoy much of Christmas.
This past Christmas we spent more than we probably could afford and way more than we usually do...but like I said, we had to fill the void for the time being. Well now Christmas is way passed and I'm ready to celebrate. I wonder what ppl in our community would think if we put lights up outside in Feb? Or had our Christmas tree up in our big front window? I think they will think we lost our minds honestly.
So I have to ask, is this a "normal" process of grief? You realize after its gone that you missed out on something? At the time, we were going through the motions so it felt like we were there, but sure did not feel like "Christmas". Are all holidays and every Christmas from on out going to just be going through the motions?? Today, I just feel like it being Christmas. But what will tomorrow bring??