Once before we got married Nicholas and I talked about some things that we wanted to do in life. One of them we both were able to agree to, but the time frame for it and the nitty little details needed to be agreed upon...there was a little conflict. We wanted to wait until our own children were more grown up to understand the whole thing. After Ashalyn was born we talked more of it and decided to wait even longer. Then the accident happened and in December we talked about it again. We even met with persons to discuss this journey. Then we found ourselves pregnant with Briley and we decided on our own without praying that we still wanted to hold off on this option. Then we had our 15 week checkup (at 17 weeks) and were given some more bad news of our baby no longer living. Now we had been doing some reading and listening to the diagnoses of the doctors and we learned of possible risks of future pregnancies. I have an abnormally misshaped uterus from everything my body has encountered, which could be the reasoning behind Briley not developing into a healthy living baby. So we were devestated to hear that this could possibly affect future pregnancies. So given all this information it became very evident to us that maybe, just maybe, now was our time. So something we have been praying about for months now is adoption. We are not giving up on us having more of our own biological children at this point, but we strongly feel led to the journey of adoption at this time. We have started the process and we have a date for our home study and Nicholas and I could not be more connected to this baby already. Yes, we understand it could be months, maybe even years til we get "our child" but we pray regularly now. We have tears of joy very often and we dream of our life with our baby. The thoughts of this baby consume much of our mind these days and we cannot wait for it all to unfold entirely. Now this is not how we EVER envisioned the adoption to play out when we talked about it after Ashalyn was born...we pictured the adoption years after all our biological children were born and they were old enough to understand why we chose to do this. Also with that we envisioned ALL our children living at home to be part of this journey with us here on Earth. We've had several times where the thought has crossed our mind but without praying we followed our plan in it all and kept pushing it to the back burner, because we weren't "old" enough yet. But, it has continued to tug at our hearts. And "adoption" has crowded billboards and tv commercials and tv shows. It was thrown in our face constantly it seemed....almost like a "hello Valerie and Nicholas...this is God!! Wake up and Listen!" So we began to pray and we strongly feel now is the time. It's time for Ashalyn to have a sibling that she can play with, not just one that she can visit at the grave or in pictures. It feels like we have so much extra love to give because we've been preparing for so long to bring another baby into our lives. And we understand that there are so many out there that are in need of that love from a mother and a father. And we feel this is our way we are supposed to give. We truly wish I was still pregnant with Briley and we really wish Miranda was here to start this journey with us. That is one thing we will NEVER understand while we are here, but we are starting to the work of Miranda's miracle and the life God has for us here.
I journaled my entire pregnancy with Ashalyn in a paper bound notebook and it is our plan to blog our adoption process. Not so much for everyone else but for us, our baby, and for us to connect with other families going through the same process. And with this, we hope people find the desire to pray for us. It's going to be a long process, as well as an emotional journey, as we wait and as we make the decisions as to which baby is right for us, which baby fits into our family and as we connect with the families that we will encounter.
As I said, we are NOT giving up on the idea of more biological children, but that is something we are leaving in the hands of God. He knows what we can emotionally handle and what His plans are for our lives. But until then...now is our time to walk in the journey of adoption. So, this is how we will pray...and how we invite you all to pray for us.
*for the birthparents- as they conceive and carry our baby, the tough decision they need to make as they choose what will be best for their child, as they search prospective adoptive family profiles and they find the adoptive family they feel is the best fit, for the birth mom to refrain from drug and alcohol abuse while carrying the precious child
*financial aspect- already we have paid some of the adoption expenses and know there are MANY many more dollars to be paid. We pray that the finances will come when needed, whether it be through grants or extra hours of work
*for us- as we wait patiently. Already we think about our baby day and night and have had several conversations about our curiousity in our baby, gender, race, name, etc. As we continue to parent and love Ashalyn and remember our two children in Heaven. Our attitudes towards the birth parent as we try to imagine our lives in their shoes and as we are ever so grateful for the decision they will be making. As well as our attitude toward life and cutting out the areas that we have to in order to make this happen financially. And as we continue to pray for God's direction and guidance!
*for Ashalyn- as she learns now sharing, playing, just the keys to being a sibling.
*for our families- as tehy prepare to walk this journey with us. That when it's time they will have the heart to accept this baby as our own and that they understand the time we will have to put lots of time into our classes, etc.
*and for "our baby"- all aspects. Health. Conception (if it hasn't already happened) Protection from anything (drugs, abuse, neglect, emotional hurt etc.) and an open heart to a new family (something they might not understand right away)
And with that...PLEASE join us on this new adventure. Our journey of hope, love and excitement! Join us with love and prayer as we encounter the next phases of life here on earth as a family!!!
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