Thursday, August 7, 2008

Love is Patient.....that's the test??!!

Every morning I wake up, go to the bathroom (its a pregnant thing), rubbed my belly and talk to little Ashalyn. Then I wonder to today the day?? Then I take the time to ask God to be with us and protect us throughout the day, to prepare me just in case, and teach me patience!! Yes, I am used to working with a classroom full of children and siblings that work each others nerves all day long....that does not phase me....but being patient in these circumstances....anxiously awaiting one of the most beautiful things ever, not knowing the exact moment your life will be forever changed, knowing you are about to receive the most incredible blessing ever...that is a true test of patience!! And sadly, I think I may be failing this test. I am so incredibly anxious that the thoughts of my baby girl is starting to consume my every thought. I wonder what she will look like, what the birth will feel like, will she have daddy and grandpa rice's crooked pinky, will she start out blonde like her daddy did, or will she sleep through her entire first night like her cousin Brett did, is she going to be healthy, will she recognize Nicholas' voice (he talks to her all the time), will I be able comfort her little cry? etc. It is nonstop filmage (is that a word) playing over and over in my mind. But each day I wonder....when will we be celebrating her birthday? Patience just is not my virtue these days! I try to keep my life busy by adding whatever to my agenda just to keep me going. I've cut off about 180 ears of corn to freeze for the winter. Last night I got my apples for applesauce, so that will consume tonight. Friday night Stephanie is coming into town. Saturday is Cayman's benefit. Monday Matt and Jami will be in town. But from then....what will I do with my time? Crystal is taking next week off of work so I don't have to work all week. I'll be cleaning and getting everything ready for her arrival. But the craziness from the previous few months is coming to an end. My first due date is a week from today. I am having some contractions and lower back pain....but I'm anticipating the September 3rd date....I think just to keep myself sane if she doesnt arrive by next Wednesday. Dr visits are every week now, but only an hour out of the day. My shower can only be bleeched so often and we only go through so many clothes that laundry can't be redone. I'm to the point where I am rewashing her clothes just so they have that fresh laundry smell and softness. I am literally driving myself crazy trying to come up with things to do. Taking walks and praying! What more can I do? How much longer will I be doing this? And then will I be able to transition from all this busy work to just sitting on the couch cuddling my little girl? That's the time I will take to relax. When I went to grandma's to pick up the apples, she asked me if I was sure I was feeling up to it. I stopped to see the kids before they left for Florida and my brother-in-law says, "dont you know your pregnant? You are F*#*ing crazy." because I want to take them to the zoo when they get home. But honestly, until the day comes when my baby is born I WANT to be busy!! I feel better when I am going, going, going!! When she comes I will take the time to cuddle her, go for walks with her, nap with her, bathe her, read to her. She will be my life then!!! But until then...I think it is safe to patience that I once's out the window, completely gone!! I've failed this test! And will continue to be an antzy, busy body until the day...I can wake up and say....TODAY IS IT. TODAY IS THE DAY. My life will change forever TODAY!!! And TODAY will be my baby's birth day!!


Kristen said...

Yep, you are definitely at the end of the pregnancy. I think every woman that has survived pregnancy this far can identify with what you said. :o)

Rashel & A.D. said...

hey valerie,

my cousin Karla (aeschliman) now ringenberg, is going through the same thing. Her due date was yesturday and she is driving her self crazy trying new things to naturally induce her labor until the docs say its ok to medically induce her next week. I know it must be hard to stop wondering when shes going to make her big debut. Hopefully soon! I'll be checking back to see :) Good luck with everything until then!

Kristen said...

Someone's having a garage sale for the Cayman Benefit? Oh wow! People have been so amazing!!

I've been thinking about you, wondering how you are doing. It's been like a whole week since you last blogged!! I hadn't received a text so I knew you still must have your cute pregnant belly. :o)

Our sweet Miranda

Our sweet Miranda


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