Thursday, March 25, 2010

Yesterday we met with another doctor at a much bigger facility, associated with Toledo Hospital. Dr D'amato. At first we went to the radiologist where they read my ultrasound report and then read my blood work and they were amazed at my hcg levels still. Then we did another ultrasound where I was able to see my baby on the screen. The previous one they wouldnt show me anything so I just needed that picture for the bit of closure I needed. As soon as I saw my baby I knew something wasnt right. The gestational sac was very large in size compared to our baby. They too confirmed that they baby wasn't continuing to grow in size but they also were able to tell us that the heart was NOT developing, which caused the lack of heartbeat. Yesterday was tough on both us, but we got the answers we needed for that bit of "closure". This doctor really recommended against the pills and recommends the dnc. An old friend of mine has been through both processes and she too recommends the dnc procedure. But what I hate about this is my first doctor refered to it as an abortion. Now I know that anytime the baby is medically taken from the mother it is called a medical abortion.....but did he really have to use that term with me??? That's what is making it soooo difficult on me. I know for a fact now that my baby is not alive and has no chance of survival but an "abortion". How can I come to terms with that, when I am one that is SO SO against it and has preached against it my entire life??
Only problem with NOT doing it my health is then very much at risk? This doctor already gave me the "if this or this happens, get to the ER right away" peptalk. So now it's just deciding what we want to do. We have a few other decisions that need to be made as well, decisions that Nicholas and I dont necessarily agree on. But as for now, I have a surgery scheduled for Tuesday at Toledo hospital. I feel safer I think here at Fulton County though so not sure what's going to happen there. Just lots and lots to think about in the next day or two.


Kristen said...

I've been thinking about you a lot during my days! I'm sure it was hard coming to that final closure and letting that last little bit of hope slip on by. I'm so sorry Val. I was hoping it could be different for you. I pray that you will be able to face the decisions you and Nick have to make.

"Abortion" is a crummy word. Our society has made it that way. Like the word "retard" was once just a medical term to describe mental disabilities and society turned its use into a negative name-calling term. Or even our middle fingers in which God made, and society turned it into meaning a naughty word. Basically my point is words are words. It's really about principals and the motive behind them that make their use correct or wrong. Words can have different meanings and it's more about which angle you are looking at it from. In the medical field, they call any miscarriage, an abortion. It's just a term that means the pregnancy was interrupted, and that even includes mother-nature, not just medically. I hope that helps ease your mind as you make your decisions. I don't think it's double standard of you at all if you do choose the dnc. By society's view of the word abortion, your situation is entirely different than that.

Jessica and Kevin said...

glad you finally got the closure that you guys derserve!

Mom said...

Do not think of this as an abortion. It is the farthest from the truth. Love you.

Our sweet Miranda

Our sweet Miranda


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