Let me begin my story by telling you a little of what my life consists of right now. First is the everyday things in life, work (watching 4 children besides my own), still working on settlement with insurance company, being mom (that's the best part of my life, but what keeps me most busy) and now getting donations and volunteers for friendship days and Bible school. I have been working so hard the last few weeks on preparing Bible school for over 100 children for the 2nd week of June. Behind the scene stuff I guess, preparing schedules, registration, recruiting teachers, organizing crafts and the curriculum. It's been lots of work and lots of time seeking God.
And I believe Satan is at every end trying to pull me down. The 1st night I was supposed to meet with Amanda about Bible school was the night we received the news of Briley, so I canceled. 2nd night was the night before my surgery....I thought about canceling. And then yesterday I was supposed to be at church for our kickoff to recruiting teachers in the lobby display....and I had to find a replacement for me.
Friday afternoon I had to call my dr. because of bad cramping and clotting. He prescibed me a medication but come Saturday afternoon, I was in sooooo much pain and starting to get dizzy and lightheaded. Nicholas and I debated calling 911 or him just driving me up there. I could barely walk and I was extremely faint. I finally chose to have him drive me and help me out to the truck because we already have several lifeflight bills we didnt need another ambulance one. At this point I was bleeding pretty heavy and in so much pain that the dosed me up pretty good with nubane and toradel (not sure on that spelling). I wasnt very friendly in the emergency room and I will write a letter of apology to the nurse. I still felt the pain and I was telling them I was pretty sure I was having contractions and in labor.
Finally after receiving my hemoglobin count they admitted me to 2nd floor for observation. It was within about 20 minutes of being there they gave me some morphine and I passed what my body had been trying to "labor" out of me. It was left over tissue from my surgery...so my body went into contractions trying to get it all out. It was not fun. On my way up the elevator I looked at Nicholas and I said, "Either Satan really hates me or God does."
At this point I was so frustrated with all we've been through. Just as I come to deal with it and start living my life at a happy time, it seems like the dark cloud comes back and hovers over me. As soon as I made that comment, Nicholas knew I was down because I just don't think that way usually...so he made a phone call to Pastor Brad and got people praying for us. That afternoon I was pretty discouraged, because we had family Easter plans that we'd now miss out on...and I knew I was missing the Bible school recruiting the next day as well as another easter and easter sunday at church.
But it seems like just when I get down I hear something or am somehow reminded of how awesome our God is. Sunday morning Ashalyn and Nicholas came up to visit me. They were there for about an hour, Ashalyn in my hospital bed with me and we watched cartoons together. I started getting sleeping so I asked Nicholas to run to walmart and get me a few things I needed so I could get a nap. They left and I decided to shut the tv off, but at the hospital in order to do that u have to scroll thru them all. As I was scrolling i heard "no matter how difficult your life trials are there is ALWAYS that promise of bigger and better things" So that sermon was for me and instead of napping while they were gone I listened to this sermon directed specifically to me. It was taking place at Dodger stadium so lots and lots of people, but I feel it was directly for me personally.
Our faith has definately been challenged in the last 7 months but I am so excited to say I am a Christian. I couldn't imagine this life without those promises of life getting better one day and then our eternity. I heard a saying this weekend "God gave us the promise of an eternity, so let's give Him the promise of now". So in all our struggles I still want to live my now for Him....and yes He DOES still love me!!!
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