fall is my favorite time of year

So, I decided to make this an everything blog! I'm sure most of it will still be about Ashalyn but I always want to say other things and I try to remind myself that the blog was titled pregnancy journal. So here it is!!!!

What a week we've had! Thursday night Nicholas and I stayed awake just dreading the morning to come. I was supposed to leave for work at 730 am and Nick was going to keep Ashalyn for the morning before he had to leave for an out of town wedding he was in. We all dreaded it. Nick was excited that his best friend was getting married, but unexcited that Ashalyn and I were not going to make it there until 6 pm the next night. Yes, call us babies, but we have yet spent the night away from each other. The closest we have come was when Ashalyn was born and I slept in the hospital bed and he on the couch in the same room. One thing that I found neat when my grandfather passed away was that til the day he spent in the hospital he and my grandmother did not spend a night apart. I admired that in them and hope for the same with Nicholas and I! And his 10 hr work day is the longest he has left Ashalyn. So there were tears just talking about it.

Well, during the night, I decided to tell Nicholas when he got down there to find out the rate of a hotel room. That way Ashalyn and I could at least see him in the morning and he could come say goodnight before we went to bed. Come to find out, Matt (the groom) was able to get a group rate of $69.99. That is an awesome rate for a hotel room. So as soon as I left work, Ashalyn and I made the trip to see Dad!!! :-) It was the best decision we could have made. Now, the 2 1/2 hour trip with an infant by myself was a bit much. But well worth it!!!

We got there and Ashalyn and I chilled in the hotel for a little until we were able to go to the church to see dad (nicholas) for a while. Then we went back to the hotel while daddy and the other groomsmen played flag football. I met one of the groomsmen's wife and their 7 month old baby and we talked for a while and decided while the boys were playing football we were going to attempt the pool with our little ones. And believe it or not, Ashalyn loved it!! I thought she may be too little yet and not enjoy the colder water, i mean, it definately was not bath water!!

Then daddy came to say goodnight and found out that most the groomsmen were going there own way for the night, so he even got to stay with us!!!!! :-) Now, Ashalyn was up most the night, but we enjoyed our time together as a family. The wedding was such a nice, private service at the college church that they attend and the reception was near 2 hours away.

Nick drove the newly married couple, Matt and Jami Beck to the reception so Ashalyn and I had to make another 2 hour journey by ourselves. However, right as we were pulling out from the church I received a phone call from mom. She said that my 2 second cousins were in an ATV accident. Clarissa was killed and Justin was lifeflighted. WOW, what news to hear right before you are about to make a 2 hour drive, just you and your 2 month old. So I had to keep myself composed for the entire drive. Throughout the drive my thoughts ran crazy. Not too many weeks ago I talked to Justin's mom about how amazing being a mom was as she adored little Ashalyn....and then my mind runs back to just a few months ago, outside of the school building, I watch Justin and his friends goofing off, and he says, "oh it's okay, she's my cousin, she won't care!" And then I go back to Christmas and I remember Clarissa's big beautiful smile every year. And her and Kaitlyn hiding under the table, as if I can't see them, waiting for me to find them (yes, that was several years ago!). Clarissa was a 2nd cousin and we didn't see each other often, but I WILL NEVER forget her beautiful smile she ALWAYS had!!!! What a sweet young woman!!

While driving and going down memory line, I couldn't help but to lift the parents of these two up in prayer. Ashalyn has been with us for only 2 short months, but once you have a baby you look at life completely different. I could never imagine, getting news of her being gone, or even injured for that matter. I notice all the beautiful red, orange and yellow trees on this trip. Everything seems to be so much brighter, so much more beautiful, and just so much more meaningful with Ashalyn here. And then to be reminded, how fragile life is. How even the littlest things, like having fun on a four wheeler with your cousin that happened to be home from college for the day, can be life changing events. And it all makes you realize how great our God is. All I can think right at that point, was how beautiful God's creation is, the trees and blue sky, but even more so....LIFE!

I look in my mirror to see a person so full of life in the back, cooing, and smiling and am reminding how I need to cherish every moment with her. I wish so bad I could call Rod and Brenda up and have the words to say to them, but what, what could someone possibly say to comfort them in a time like this, knowing that because of a single foxhole that God placed with care, took the life of their daughter. It's hard to think of, but at the same time, you think, when God watched that fox find a place in His beautiful creation, to make that hole, He knew that that exact part of nature and of His doings was what would bring his beautiful child, Clarissa to Him. And now she is up there dancing and rejoicing with Him.

So then we attempt the reception. It was beautiful. Fall colors and a dance floor outside at Pretty Lake in Indiana. A cool fall night, where people joined together sharing memories and verses and marriage to dos. It was such a great reminder of commitment and what it means to remain together as husband and wife, as one!! As you can tell, the weekend brought so many mixed emotions and was rather eventful, but very much needed as a reminder to truly cherish life, our marriage, our little girl and to spend tiem in God's amazing creation!!!!!

7 hrs!

So, I don't want to jinx myself but we have had 2 nights in a row of 7 hours of sleep straight.....we just may be getting the hang of sleeping through the night!! Wahoo!!

to do or not to do???

Okay, so I need a little help!! I have truly been blessed by having a job that I can take Ashalyn with me to. I'm a nanny in Archbold for a very nice family that has allowed me to take Ashalyn to their house. Everyone is telling me that this is the perfect job. But I struggle with it sometimes, let me explain. My ideal job would be to create my house into an educational environment and take in a few children to teach, almost like a preschool and I could still have Ashalyn with me. In college I took several early childhood education classes focusing a lot on children ages before they even get to school. There I learned every aspect of teaching children at an early age and all about their developmental milestones early in life. This is the age that excites me. Call me a nerd but my favorite thing about working in the daycare I worked in, was the HUGE messes the 2 year olds made painting and the 12 months old made when teaching them to eat with a spoon on their own. and POTTY TRAINING!!! That was I think my biggest enjoyment. To see every child get excited when they used the "big kid" potty. And for me to show all my excitement when one of them came in in "big kid" underwear. I am just so ready to have that back. I love my job, and love the kids that I watch, and REALLY love taking Ashalyn with me and spending the day with her. So, where's the problem?? Any toys I want for her I have to haul back and forth every day, she doesn't have her bed there so she sleeeps in her car seat or on a blanket on the floor all day, and I still have to do my job of cleaning the house, laundry, etc, so their is not the stimulation for her that I'd like. So, do I give up the opportunity of taking her with me and find a sitter, (which my job pays wonderful for being able to take her with me, but to pay for a babysitter on top of it, i might as well not work, honestly!!) to where at the sitter she will have more toys, more interaction, a place to lay, etc. and me worry non stop all day about whether she is okay or being taken care of. Or do I continue my job here, bring her along, and feel like I am failing because I am not stimulating her with the things I feel are important?
Like I said, my ultimate goal, when we have a bigger place to start my own little educational daycare right in my home. I want a room where we can have huge pieces of paper on the floor and paint to the music, or an infant climbing mat, or have our building blocks to teach Ashalyn and the other children the concept of size, color, cause and effect, etc. a play gym for her to lay on so she can stare at the colors, listen to the music, etc.
I truly feel like here she is not being stimulated enough and that is why she sleeps constantly during the day. At night I read to her, play with her, sing to her, show her her toys, etc. and she just coos away, smiling at me non stop and such a happy little girl! She stays awake almost all evening then til bedtime!! Here, i feel like all we have is the swing, which puts her to sleep and the few toys that I am able to lug along! She holds her rattles now and a few of her connecting toys, that she needs more things here!!
So back to my question, do I continue bringing her and just get used to her schedule, sleeping all day til it's time to go home, or do i do the dreaded of leaving her with a sitter so we can get her on a schedule at home in the evenings?? I wouldn't change my evenings at all....i love the time I get to spend with her reading to her, playing with her "baby" toys, bathing her etc. But i feel like I'm not doing all I could be with her when my time like that is rushed!!!
IF ONLY I HAD A BIGGER PLACE!!!! Then it'd be perfect!!!! I could have be with her all day and introduce her to the things I'd like to at her young age and as well as other children!! And can still make an income doing it!!!

jealously struggle

Okay, I must admit....I'm struggling with a bit of a jealousy issue! Nicholas and I are 5th adn 6th grade youth sponsors at our church and just last night our youth pastor came in and we were talking. He and his wife (also a pastor at our church) just had a baby about 5 weeks ago and he said that their son is sleeping through the night now. WHAT?????????????? Ashalyn is 7 months and still waking up around 1 and 4 to eat. So I asked him what his trick was.......he said "Baby Wise". It's a Christian book that he says he swears by!! So Nick and I are going to be checking it out and doing some reading. I can't imagine a full night's sleep anymore!!!

Ashalyn has a new baby cousin. We have some absolutely adorable pictures of them. It is so fun having 2 babies now....almost makes me want to have another one right now. It makes me realize how fast my baby is growing and makes me realize that she's not going to be little for very long. Ashalyn was always the little one, but now holding Kelby shows that she isn't all that little anymore!! She's growing up so fast!! IT'S ACTUALLY KINDA SCARY!!!

bummer

oh bummer, pictures are too big and not sure how to shrink them!! Go to our myspace page to see them......any buckeye fan will appreciate them!!!!

o-h....i-o!!!

.........O....................H.......................I.....................O............

loving life!!!

My baby is getting so big. We took her to the dr. for another checkup and at 5 1/2 weeks she is weighing 8 lbs 5 oz. The nurse was so impressed with her weight gain. She definately is an eater!!!! Everyone that stops us to coo over our precious one mentions how tiny she is, but she looks so big to us. It's amazing how much she has changed just in 6 weeks!!! She is so much fun! Ashalyn really is starting to focus and reach for things. Just a few stories....

just yesterday daddy called to talk to mommy on his lunch break. I was feeding Ashalyn so i put the phone up to her ear and Nicholas talked to her. She got all excited, her eyes got huge, got a huge smile, and started to flap outta my arms!!! She really started cooing!! She is definately gonna be a daddy's girl!!

now, not sure if this is cute, or gonna be trouble.....but the three of us were laying in bed reading a story, the phone rang so Nick went to answer it, he walked away and Ashalyn started crying, he came back and she stopped. Later I got up and she fussed. Soon as I came back she smiled again!! Some may say she's spoiled but I just love how she enjoys our family time!!! :-)

and a not so neat story! Archbold has a new nice eatery that we checked out the other night. Through most of our meal Ashalyn slept, but right towards the end she started fussing so I got her out and held her while I finished up. As soon as I pulled her out this table of women a few tables down smiled and talked about how precious she was. After about 2 minutes or so, one got up, came over and tried taking her outta my arms, saying "i can hold her, you eat!!" Wow, i tightened my grip and said, "oh I'm fine, I'm finished eating!" and I pushed my plate back!! I had no idea who she was and I'm sure it was just a nice gesture, but I couldn't hand over my baby to her. Maybe I'm a bit paranoid but I just can't do it!!! I was just blown away by it....almost disturbed by her effort!! I'm sure she meant well...but.....come'on, did she seriously think I'd be okay with that???

And finally, these have nothing to do with Ashalyn, but something I am really looking forward to that I just have to share!!

In exactly one week, I will be writing a check for $148 to finally pay off my car!!!! That frees up an extra $230 a month and will definately help us get my school paid off much faster!! Just this week we ordered the Crown Financial Money Map software from Crown Ministries. I am really excited to get this program started and get all our bills together and get our family budget planned!!!!

Nicholas and I are in our 3rd week of GB56 (the 5th and 6th grade youth program at church!) We have such a great group of kids and we both are loving being sponsors!! They have already blessed our lives tremendously!! We were just talking about how awesome it has been finally feeling "a part" of a church that we love. We have both gotten really involved and are loving it!! Starting in November I am also joining an outreach ministry scrapbooking group...so that will be lots of fun socializing with a group of Christian women sharing in one of my favorite hobbies!! I am also Bible School superientendant, so starting in January Jenni and I will be getting together planning all that!! It is so fun being involved!!!!!

The end of October Nick is starting reffing school. We will be sad to see him leave us on Tuesday nights, but excited that he is getting to finally do something he always wanted to do!! And we CANNOT wait to start going to his games!!!!!

And I think that's all....a very random post, but trying to catch everyone up with the happenings of our life!!!! My how things have changed for us over the past 2 years!!! I LOVE MY LIFE!!!!