Wednesday, July 7, 2010

pure exhaustion has set in

wow! That's really all I can say. I truely have learned what it means to be exhausted. I dont recall feeling this way before EVER and not had an excuse. I remember being this tired when I was pregnant with Ashalyn, but now I am just worn reason really, other than a busy schedule.
In the past week, we've moved, went on vacation, getting ready for our fundraising garage sale, and painted, decorated and started to tackle the weeds in the flower beds. My house is still trashed and I have boxes left unpacked everywhere. I am beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed....EXHAUSTED!
Also, we both have been to the doctors this past week. GREAT NEWS for me, NOT SO GREAT FOR NICHOLAS. Unfortunately Nicholas' leg still has not healed. He broke his femur in 3 pieces and the small middle piece was that's what is taking so long to heal. The orthopedic surgeon is giving him 3 months yet for it to heal or another surgery will be needed to place a bigger nail in it. As for my news...I went to the OBGYN in Toledo and he did another ultrasound of my female organs and he says "everything appears to be making a good return to normal and has begun to heal." He did give us the okay to try again if we'd like, but he also said more time wouldnt be a bad thing either. He cannot promise anything at this point, but he does believe that I could have a healthy pregnancy yet. I had two of them up til the accident so he believes it is possible but doesn't bring me out of the woods as far as not being high risk for future complications. Right now we are relying on faith and prayer.
BY NO MEANS does this change our mind on adoption. We are set that this is where we are to be and part of the bigger plan in our life. We cannot wait to meet our child, birth family, etc. And if God has more plans on top of that with us having another biological baby than we will go with it....but it will NOT change our adoption status.
However, there is one thing that has changed. Financially the $16,000 is harder to come up with than we expected so well we raise that money we will be doing the training and licensing for foster care. Maybe then we will meet our child in that process and we will go about that route and use the money saved to buy new bed, clothes, etc for him/her. We are so ready to make this dream a reality and to help give love and a home to children that need it that we are NOT going to let the money aspect get in the way. For now we are going to foster or maybe even foster to adopt and continue to raise the money needed for the private agency!
And finally, one last thing...I LOVE OUR HOUSE! It's almost like a new beginning for our life. We will NEVER forget our past, our sweet children, the accident. NONE OF IT! But we come into this house fresh. Where we can start our life here on earth with a new beginning sort of. We can remember Miranda and Briley and happy moments. We can leave the constant reminder of death (being right across from the cemetary)and remember the times she kicked us or when we held her in our arms. It's hard to explain without sounding like we are moving on...because we aren't really. We are trying to find ways to still be happy with the life we are given but in a more positive way if that makes any sense.
This post is very scatterbrained...but it's been a while and LOTS going on in our little world I guess!! Hope you all enjoyed your forth! I'm off to bed before I fall asleep here at the computer! Good night all!


Kristen said...

I'm excited to see your new house someday! I can understand why you would be feeling so exhausted! There has been a lot happening for you ones! And I feel so happy for you that the doctor believes there is still hope you could have biological children.

Mom said...

Yesterday was a hard day for me because remembering that Miranda would of been 10 months old.Those days are really hard for me yet.I am still having a really hard time with losing Miranda and my dad. I cry almost every day. I am so happy to hear that you are healing Valerie. We just need to continue to pray for healing for both you and Nicholas. I can not wait to see your new home. I am glad that you feel like this is a new beginning for your family. I am Contining to pray for your adoption/foster children that God already has planned for your lives. And if God has a plan for you to be pregnant again then that is awesome. I love you. Continue to look to God for your strength and guidance.

Our sweet Miranda

Our sweet Miranda


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