I had a fun weekend all planned. Thursday night we went to Sauder Village and we pitched a tent. We had a blast. Played on the big playground, swam, and then had a campfire. Nick went early to work and I spent the day with my babysitting kids at Sauder village, the park, the tent and it was sooo stinkin' hot we moved into the village. Then Nick came back, kids left and it was us. We swam, we had fun.......
an older man says to Nicholas, "you see these gray hairs? I didn't have a single one til my two boys." Nick found it humorous at first...then he says, "how many children do you have?"
"Thr.., Well I have one here with me!"
"You have three? But she's the only that came with you to the hotel?"
"well, I've got all I can handle with these two. Three? Wow!"
And that was that! We went up to the room...and a fun weekend....became a weekend full of tears. An empty ache in my heart. We had a room that overlooked the pool and from our room we heard and could see the families all together having a blast. And I noted something that tore me up. I saw a baby, about 10 months old, sitting in his stroller abotu 10 feet back from the pool all by himself, awake and watching his mom and dad (I'm assuming) and big brother swim off in the distant...away from him, and no attention on him what so ever. Stuff like that tears me up inside. I try to avoid it, but that's the things that hurt the worst. I'm not saying they were bad parents for leaving him there strapped in his stroller....I'm just saying how much I would give to have my 10 month old in the pool with me. Or what we would give to have our children be all that we can handle and not have to encounter these questions or conversations.
I don't blame these people, they don't know. They have no way of knowing. But we spent the time in the hotel room full of tears and just wasn't a good fun time...so we packed our bags and decided we were supposed to be home for the night. We went and checked out early (we didnt even sleep in our room) but we were willing to sacrifice that to try and bring ourselves to a happy place again. I went to check out with red, puffy eyes, feeling pretty silly. And Nick went to go load the truck. Believe it or not they actually refunded us our money and it was about that quick the tornado sirens were going off and we were being sent to the basement...and being thrown into a gathering room FULL of families on vacation having the time of their lives. And then there were Nicholas and I...set back along the wall trying to avoid further conversation with many of these families for the fear of them being able to read through our smile, but puffy red faces.
And sat next to us was a family of 3 girls. Caucasion parents and African American children. There was an adoption convention being held at the Inn this weekend. Many of the people we were surrounded by were families of adopted children. How much more can God throw at us in getting the point across that all that love we are bottling up because we cant give it now will some day be possible to share!?!
We ache and we feel so empty during times like this, but then are reminded of our child that we are praying for will need all this extra love, extra attention, and extra care. But now we just need to pray for our patience. We see this is by no means a fast, quick process. We see the building blocks that we can/will encounter. And we see the emotions we will go through. We are very anxious and need patience. So today we ask for prayer for patience in this journey. Patience as we wait to bring our baby home and for a peaceful heart as we walk the journey of a broken family.
Needless to say when we were able to leave, we were already checked out, so we still came home...and we camped out in the basement together as we awaited the next storm they were calling for. We finished up a campout at home and had a blast. And we just realized that sometimes our journey gets hits rougher spots than normal but are always reminded that God is in control and he'll work out the details. We may have to pack up and remove ourselves from certain situations but He is the one that knows what/where we need to be!
Saturday, June 19, 2010
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