one proud mama!

Ashalyn is over 4 weeks old already!! I cannot believe it!! She is getting so big. She had a 4 week check up and she weighed 7 lbs 8 oz. so she is gaining rather rapidly. We are so proud. She is an eater!! It seems that that is all we do! Being a mom has got to be the best thing in the world. I don't think I ever really understood how much my parents loved me until the moment I held Ashalyn for the first time. It is undescribable! You would do ANYTHING for them and it is so unconditional. ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!!! The worst part of it is hearing her cry and knowing you can't pick her up everytime! We started that the first few weeks and learned very quickly that she was slowly beginning to wrap us around her finger and it became a routine.......cry, they pick me up!!! She got to the point for a minute that we couldn't put her down for anything....we were taking shifts at night to hold her just to calm her down!!! As soon as she was on our chest she was out like a light!! But she is getting so much better....i think it helps that she can now make out objects. She really stares now!! Watching her look into your eyes is also incredible!! And her smile is to die for....melts mommy and daddy's heart everytime! We are working on tummy time....she still isn't real fond of that, but getting much better and her neck is getting very strong!! I am one proud mommy!! I'll argue with anyone.....MY DAUGHTER IS THE BEST!!!!!

She has arrived!!!

It's been awhile!! And I reread the last post and it's kinda crazy I posted that. I think I knew that morning that it was time. I took an extra pair of pants to work with me, i just had that feeling that my water could break at work any time. And then all day i was just itching to have her and had this unexplained energy. I was very uncomfortable. And sure enough, 20 minutes after I got home from work what I thought was the horrible, uncontrolable bladder of a pregnant woman came and never went away. Slowly my water started leaking. And within 5 minutes of being at the hospital it bursted everywhere. We went in because we were unsure, but prior we went to walmart so Nicholas could get some things he needed. I stayed in the car because there was NO CONTROLLING my "bladder" (that's what i thought it was.) Then we went to the hospital and as soon as they got me in a delivery room to be checked my water immediately began to flow very heavy....so at this point there was no going home. I started on pitocin immediately because I was not having any contractions on my own and I had 24 hours to work with from the time my water broke. I wanted to do it all natural, no epideral, no pain meds, nothing. After about 17 hours of contractions and no sleep I decided to do nubane. That helped a lot and relaxed me a little. Then at 24 hours they checked for infections because my water was now broke for the 24 hour period. Baby Ashalyn was still sunny side up as they say and was not able to make her way into the birthing canal. So at 28 hours I was given the option of an epideral to try and help get her in the correct position and to start making her way through...and if nothing in 4 hours I would go c-section or I could just skip the epideral and go c-section right away. about an hour prior to this choice they gave me, we lost the baby's heartbeat and I was put on oxygen for the remainder of the labor. Now, let me tell u, when u are in the middle of contractions the last thing you want is to worry about your baby and this stupid mask right in your face 24/7. Not just the mask was annoying but the tank of air was also a pain and just in the way. So....a little frieghtened for my baby's sake....we chose to do c-section right away. The staff seemed pretty sure that it would be csection either way so it was just a matter of deciding whether we watned an august 20th bday or a 21st bday. We both were concerned about our baby's health and the stress on her, so we chose to go now. From the time they told me to the time I was cut open and Ashalyn was delivered it was less than an hour. The on call surgery team was called in and we got the "party started". I was awake during the surgery and it was actually one of the most amazing things in the world. They had a blanket up so I could avoid seeing, but there was a mirror there if I wanted to watch. I watched for a little after she was pulled out and they were stitching me up. Before that I kept my eyes on Nicholas and just anxiously awaited a cry. I felt them tug the incision open (didnt hurt tho...i was numb) and i felt the pressure lifted when they pulled her out. "you have a beautiful baby girl." "She's at least 2 1/2 weeks early." "she looks like dad" "5lbs 12 oz." all these things were great to hear but her cry was the most beauiful noise ever!!! Hearing her and knowing she was here and would be in my arms in a matter of minutes was truely amazing. Now I had an hour in recovery before I could hold her. During the operation my arms were strapped down to the table, but nicholas was able to bring her to me so I could see her, he just had to hold her. So while I was in recovery (sleeping of course) they did her vitals, warmed her, bathed her etc. while our families looked in. nicholas was able to be with her at all times but he wouldnt allow anyone to hold her until I got to first. I am so thankful for that!! I cannot even express how blessed we are and how great of a feeling it is to be "mommy!" But for now I must get back to motherly duties and feed my precious little one!!! more to come later.

Ashalyn Faith Rice
5 lbs 12 oz
19 inches long

Until I can post more, please keep little Ashalyn in your prayers! Ashalyn was born at 36 weeks gestation, meaning she was 4 weeks early. (yup, none of our due dates given to us were correct.) Praise God she was healthy and did not need the extra care that some preemies need. Before we left the hospital her bellirubben count was high but not to the point that she needed under the light, just to come back for another checkup in 2 days. This past week she fought an upper respitory infection from her low birth weight and the changing weather. We left the hospital at 5 lbs 5 oz but at her 2 week checkup she was up to 6lbs 5 oz. She gained a whole pound and we are so proud of her. However, from her URI she has not been eating very well so we continue to pray for the nourishment she needs and continuing healing of her small body. We pray that he lungs continue to develop and we can avoid any further respitory problems.

part 2

This is kindof in continuation to the last post on being patient. I have to ask myself every day "how?" Lord, how can I be patient? Work is stressing me out. For the last 2 months I have been walking almost 2 miles every day just trying to relax and let out some of this energy. I'm irritable. The little things get to me. I feel huge and unattractive. At the end of the day, when I'm laying in bed and Nicholas and I get ready to begin our prayers together, I look at him and say, "well, another day has come and gone and still no progress." And I begin to hope and pray, maybe during the night. Then after many hours of laying and watching the clock change, tossing and turning, I'm reminded by an obnoxious beep, that I must begin yet another day, another day of work, and another long day just anxiously wondering if today we will have any further progression of contractions or if we are only yet another minute closer to our baby girl. That's what it seems, minutes seem to be hours and the days seem to be weeks. Now I know every pregnant woman goes through this at this point... but why am I so bothered by the fact that she is still not here? Is it because all my life, as long as I remember, awaited this day. Children have always been so precious to me and since I've been on the woman's path of hormones, I have anxiously wanted and thrived to be a mother. Over and over I thought of things I want to do with my family, places I want to go, relive some of my childhood memories through my children. Horrible thoughts at night envade my dreams, with several reoccuring ones, that have scared me to no end. Is that why I am ready to hold her in my arms, so I can say they were only dreams. Labor and delivery is now starting to scare me. Part because of the dreams and part because its all I can think about, week after week, day after day, and now minute after minute. I'm having lots of patches of consistant contractions, 8 minutes apart, but after an hour or so of it they fade. I change activities or sit to relax and they deminish. So, as I've been told I'm having false labor. It's been going on for days now. Saturday night I thought for sure we would be holding our little girl in a matter of hours.....and then it all vanishes. And I have to start the process all over again. Or was it because of the horrible "unsure" due date? All along I was looking at September but every time I went in to the dr. I was reminded that August 14th was a good possibility still? So after being told over and over I began to put that date in my head and as it neared I got more and more excited. Now it is past and it makes September 3 seem sooooo far away. August 19th and I still do not know my due date, still uncomfortable, still fearing the process, and still not sure what will/is going to happen. Not knowing how my previously injured tailbone and lumbar will hold or if it will allow me to do it natural. Still so many unanswered questions....and I wonder if that's why my anxiety is so intense. So Lord, please tell me!! Or teach me for that matter, how???
As to many, I probably seem to be a baby. I have some intense pelvic pressure that I have had for near a month now. I have some back pain that causes my back to lock, sometimes sending me back to bed or tumbling into Nicholas' arms (all from a previous injury). But the dr is still insisting natural childbirth would be best. And honestly that does scare me. I would love to say I did it all natural and would love to be able to but the what ifs and how tos lead me to lots of question and all my anxiety. I feel great though, minus some of the aches and pain, stress and worry, physically I am full of energy and constantly on the go. I am finding ways to keep myself busy but cannot seem to bipass the thing that preoccupies me my mind the most!! So it's just mentally I AM A WRECK!!!!!
As you can tell I am drawn in 45.5 directions with all this and probably have many confused. Heck, I have myself confused!! But I've just past 18 minutes and one contraction later!!! Now if only knew that contraction did something and helped me to progress in any way!!!
But all this rambling being said, I still pray for my baby, for a healthy baby, and for whatever day to come, so we can celebrate her birth, her life, and celebrate the changing of our lives forever!!!! WE ARE SOOOOO EXCITED!!!!

Love is Patient.....that's the test??!!

Every morning I wake up, go to the bathroom (its a pregnant thing), rubbed my belly and talk to little Ashalyn. Then I wonder to myself....is today the day?? Then I take the time to ask God to be with us and protect us throughout the day, to prepare me just in case, and teach me patience!! Yes, I am used to working with a classroom full of children and siblings that work each others nerves all day long....that does not phase me....but being patient in these circumstances....anxiously awaiting one of the most beautiful things ever, not knowing the exact moment your life will be forever changed, knowing you are about to receive the most incredible blessing ever...that is a true test of patience!! And sadly, I think I may be failing this test. I am so incredibly anxious that the thoughts of my baby girl is starting to consume my every thought. I wonder what she will look like, what the birth will feel like, will she have daddy and grandpa rice's crooked pinky, will she start out blonde like her daddy did, or will she sleep through her entire first night like her cousin Brett did, is she going to be healthy, will she recognize Nicholas' voice (he talks to her all the time), will I be able comfort her little cry? etc. It is nonstop filmage (is that a word) playing over and over in my mind. But each day I wonder....when will we be celebrating her birthday? Patience just is not my virtue these days! I try to keep my life busy by adding whatever to my agenda just to keep me going. I've cut off about 180 ears of corn to freeze for the winter. Last night I got my apples for applesauce, so that will consume tonight. Friday night Stephanie is coming into town. Saturday is Cayman's benefit. Monday Matt and Jami will be in town. But from then....what will I do with my time? Crystal is taking next week off of work so I don't have to work all week. I'll be cleaning and getting everything ready for her arrival. But the craziness from the previous few months is coming to an end. My first due date is a week from today. I am having some contractions and lower back pain....but I'm anticipating the September 3rd date....I think just to keep myself sane if she doesnt arrive by next Wednesday. Dr visits are every week now, but only an hour out of the day. My shower can only be bleeched so often and we only go through so many clothes that laundry can't be redone. I'm to the point where I am rewashing her clothes just so they have that fresh laundry smell and softness. I am literally driving myself crazy trying to come up with things to do. Taking walks and praying! What more can I do? How much longer will I be doing this? And then will I be able to transition from all this busy work to just sitting on the couch cuddling my little girl? That's the time I will take to relax. When I went to grandma's to pick up the apples, she asked me if I was sure I was feeling up to it. I stopped to see the kids before they left for Florida and my brother-in-law says, "dont you know your pregnant? You are F*#*ing crazy." because I want to take them to the zoo when they get home. But honestly, until the day comes when my baby is born I WANT to be busy!! I feel better when I am going, going, going!! When she comes I will take the time to cuddle her, go for walks with her, nap with her, bathe her, read to her. She will be my life then!!! But until then...I think it is safe to say...my patience that I once had...it's out the window, completely gone!! I've failed this test! And will continue to be an antzy, busy body until the day...I can wake up and say....TODAY IS IT. TODAY IS THE DAY. My life will change forever TODAY!!! And TODAY will be my baby's birth day!!

happy 30th!!

First off, I'd like to say HAPPY 30TH ANNIVERSARY MOM and DAD!!!!

Now, my pregnancy.....it seems like things have haulted a little bit. Yesterday I had some very unexplained vomiting again that was just as bad as the beginning of pregnancy. I kinda forgot how much one could release at one time!! Okay, so u're probably thinking TMI. Sorry. Since I've been drinking more water the contractions have not been as bad and now feel just more crampy. So, yes, I do believe that I was near dehydration yet again. I just cannot drink my fluids as I should. By the end of the day my feet are exhausted and I need to sit and take a break for a bit. Last night was kinda rough. Got home and after making supper we went straight to our patch of corn and helped husk. We got 9 bushel last night (a bushel containing 60 years) and then went home and cleaned and cooked, cut off the cob and froze for the winter. It was quite fun actually. So, how old does that make me sound? (the 9 bushel was split between my mom my sister and i) So I was standing the entire time at the stove. Then it was dishes, cleaned my bathroom, and folded my laundry. So I was beat!! This morning I've had a few contractions. I almost just wish the contractions would either go away or be here full force. Then it'd give us a little better idea as to when our baby is coming!! Since we have 2 due dates, one only being 9 days away and the other being 28 days away we have no idea when to expect her. AND I HATE NOT KNOWING!!!!!!! She has been kicking lots tho!! I havent really felt her turn or flip or anything just kicks!! Which at my last visit the dr said she was in position....so that could explain it!!! Goodness, I'm just soooooo ready!!! :-)

now the wait

Now it is just waiting! We are officially done with lamaze and partners in pregnancy. All that has me a little nervous because they showed an actual csection and then they talked about all the bleeding that occurs, all the possibilities that could happen etc. But I think I'm more anxious that it outweighs my nervousness. Really we do not have a ton planned for the month of August so it feels like September is forever away. We are trying to keep busy and have a few things going on, such as mom and dad's 30th wedding anniversary party, Cayman's benefit, a friend coming into town, I'm making applesauce this week and doing up corn next week. But other than that, that's it. I start going to the dr. every week now so that will help a little too. Which by the way, my last dr. visit was a bit discouraging. I was hoping he'd at least tell me I was a little dialated....but NOTHING!! Says baby's head is down in position and ready but there's no dialating yet. But I guess I can't rush it. So far with this pregnancy I have gained 24 pounds but still have a month to go. In the last 6 weeks I havent gained a pound so I don't know if I will pack them on in the end or not. I really have not had a whole lot of an appetite with the weather being so warm. I hope to keep my weight though within the 25-35 pound range that he said was normal and healthy!! Nick and I have continued our walking routine, some days its not far at all, just up to the post office and back and others we take a mile or two hike!! :-) Depends how I am feeling. But really nothing too new to report. Just that dr. said baby is there so now it just depends when I start contracting consistantly for labor.

ugh

Ugh, what a day!!
Had to go to work early today because I am taking off early for dr. appointment. Went to bed early because I was laying on the couch last night watching tv with my husband and he was rubbing my head and definately put me to sleep! woke up at 4 with the worst cramps ever in my legs, back, butt and low stomach!! Could not for the life of me fall back to sleep. Now at work, I honestly do not feel well, completely exhausted and drained. I go to stand up and I can feel every muscle and then some in my low stomach stretch. It feels as though Ashalyn is trying to tear all my insides to pieces. I have to stop in my tracks and bend with the pain of the piercing tearing muscles. ha, now I don't know that they are really tearing, guessing it's more stretching and getting ready for baby...but goodness i feels like they are ripping!! We have a dr. appointment later today and then right after is rehearsal for a wedding Nick is in this weekend. I honestly do not feel like going, but Nick is begging me to come, so gotta be there for him!! Will update more after appointment!!